FADE IN: CLOSE ON a glass. Offscreen we HEAR - TINK, GURGLE, GURGLE - a glass being filled. In the background, Prince's "1999" is playing. A moment, then TINK, GURGLE, GURGLE - this glass is being filled - an amber, carbonated liquid. WE PULL OUT To reveal several glasses all in a row. TINK - the third glass visible is filled. WE TRACK ALONG - then pull up and away to reveal our HOST - RICHARD, filling a series of champagne flutes in what appears to be an ordinary kitchen. WE HEAR A FEMALE VOICE FROM ANOTHER ROOM. RITA (O.S.) Richard! What's the hold up?! RICHARD (long suffering) Chill out, would you? We have... (looking at the clock) Eight and a half minutes yet.... TINK, GURGLE GURGLE - the final glass of the series is filled - Richard puts the bottle down and picks up 4 of the glasses. He walks out of the kitchen. INT. SHORT HALLWAY and the source of the voice. RICHARD (handing the glasses off) Here. Make yourself useful. Richard turns and heads back to the kitchen. RITA (halfheartedly) I will just as soon as you develop a sense of humor. A moment, a slight crestfallen look as Richard fails to rise to the bait, and Rita turns to face INT. THE LIVINGROOM and a party. A New Year's Eve party, to be exact. She walks up to the first group. FIRST PARTIER (over the noise) Ta! What's up with the tree? Rita hands him a glass and looks at the indicated Christmas Tree. RITA (also over the noise) Some family tradition of Richard's. He leaves it up until the needles fall off. First Partier nods all too seriously and knowingly. Rita smiles. RITA (continuing) It stays up 'til Little Christmas - January 6th. A tradition of my father-in-law's religion - Ukrainian Orthodox. First Partier nods again - still showing all the signs of amiable interest and zero comprehension. Rita shakes her head and hands off the other glasses. Then she fades away. SECOND PARTIER I don't think anything's gonna happen. THIRD PARTIER How can you be sure? SECOND PARTIER People have predicted the end of the world forever - and it hasn't happened yet. FOURTH PARTIER There's always a first time. SECOND PARTIER This ain't gonna be that time. THIRD PARTIER A lot of smart people think it could be. SECOND PARTIER A lot of smart crooks are making big bucks scaring the bejeezus outta us. FOURTH PARTIER You think it's a scam. SECOND PARTIER Big time. FIRST PARTIER Planes could fall out of the sky. There is a dead pause in the conversation and Second Partier gives him an incredible look. SECOND PARTIER Fall out of the sky? Are you kidding me? FIRST PARTIER That's what they said on TV. SECOND PARTIER You gotta start watching a smarter brand of TV. FOURTH PARTIER There's no such thing. THIRD PARTIER Now that I'll believe. At that moment Rita bumps through with more glasses and we FOLLOW HER to another group. FIFTH PARTIER Rita! (takes a glass) Thanks. RITA Never a problem for my favorite lush. FIFTH PARTIER I resemble that remark. RITA You wear it like a glove. She hands out the rest of the glasses. SIXTH PARTIER I heard most of the computers are going to crash. SEVENTH PARTIER Yeah. And you know it's Bill Gates' fault - if he wasn't so greedy they would have solved the problem years ago. EIGHTH PARTIER The power grid's gonna collapse. RITA My prediction is that the only one crashing around here will be Jimbo. She indicates Fifth Partier. FIFTH PARTIER You wound me, madam. RITA You're just such an easy target, Jimbo. She pinches his cheek and vanishes back into the crowd. EIGHTH PARTIER The power grid is going down. FIFTH PARTIER No bet, they have people at every substation to turn the stuff back on if it kicks off. SIXTH PARTIER How 'bout the phones then? Most of their stuff depends on computers. FIFTH PARTIER When do the phones ever go down? They don't - and the banks should be OK too. SEVENTH PARTIER I hope they lose my car loan. EIGHTH PARTIER I've got two weeks of food and water stored away in my basement. FIFTH PARTIER And yet you're here. EIGHTH PARTIER I can walk sixteen blocks. And it's not like I really believe anything's gonna happen. FIFTH PARTIER And yet, you just bought two weeks of groceries. EIGHTH PARTIER (defensive) It's not that weird. Everyone laughs. NINTH PARTIER (quietly) I bought a gun. Dead silence, except for the music - playing The Thompson Twins' "Twentieth Century", now. NINTH PARTIER (continuing) I don't have it with me. The relief is evident on everyone's faces. FIFTH PARTIER Why did you buy a gun? NINTH PARTIER I was worried. SIXTH PARTIER You think that if the power goes out - everyone in our society is gonna collectively pack it in and we're gonna have chaos? NINTH PARTIER It's happened before. SEVENTH PARTIER When? NINTH PARTIER That old radio show, years ago. NINTH PARTIER (continuing; a beat) Everyone thought the martians had landed. - they were rioting in the streets. FIFTH PARTIER That was a different era. NINTH PARTIER There was that "Emergency Bulletin" on TV just a few years ago. I remember watching as a kid. SIXTH PARTIER Special. NINTH PARTIER Special what? SIXTH PARTIER "Special Bulletin" - that was the name of the show. NINTH PARTIER Yeah. Right. (a beat) I'm just saying - when the lights go out, people could start acting real weird. SEVENTH PARTIER (shaking his head) Sometimes you scare me. NINTH PARTIER The world's a wild place. Rita swings through with more glasses. RITA People. This is a party - what's with the long faces? SEVENTH PARTIER Jack here is just telling ghost stories. RITA You better start making them happy stories, or I'm gonna have your head on platter before the night's over. Jack/Ninth nods his head wordlessly. RITA (continuing) Good. Now if you'll forgive me - I have a deadline. We FOLLOW HER as she moves to another group. TENTH PARTIER Rita. (conspiratorially) What's up with Richard? RITA (glances back at the doorway to the kitchen) You know how he gets. Parties stress him out. (hands him a glass) Here. TENTH PARTIER Thanks. Rita hands the last glass to the ELEVENTH PARTIER and fades back into the crowd. ELEVENTH PARTIER Two thousand is not really the start of the millennium. TENTH PARTIER (distracted) Yes it is. ELEVENTH PARTIER No, it's not. The passion in his friends voice returns Tenth to the conversation. He notices that his conversation partner is slightly drunk. TENTH PARTIER It's all over the television - everyone's calling it the new millennium. ELEVENTH PARTIER Well, everyone's wrong. TENTH PARTIER What makes you right? When everyone else thinks it is? ELEVENTH PARTIER (leans over conspiratorially) It's the whole triple zero thing - it's got everybody spooked - that and Y2K. TENTH PARTIER But it's not the millennium? ELEVENTH PARTIER No. TENTH PARTIER Then when is it? ELEVENTH PARTIER Next year - 2001. SECOND PARTIER (O.S.) Actually, many biblical scholars think that a miscalculation made by early monks puts the actual start of the new millennium three years ago, in '97. Tenth Partier gives Second a look of pure love and fades away into another group of people. ELEVENTH PARTIER That's just nuts. SECOND PARTIER That's what they think. ELEVENTH PARTIER Then they think nuts. SECOND PARTIER And you think brilliant. ELEVENTH PARTIER I ain't all that brilliant - it's just that there's so many dumb people in the world, I look like a genius in comparison. SECOND PARTIER You got a ways to go to prove it to me. ELEVENTH PARTIER Look at it this way, most people think that the calendar has some kind of mystical significance - that's their fundamental mistake. SECOND PARTIER Enlighten me. ELEVENTH PARTIER It's is a completely arbitrary set of numbers having no significance whatsoever. (a beat) Like the Chinese saying it's 4696, and the Jews thinking the year's 5760. SECOND PARTIER And there was no year Zero. ELEVENTH PARTIER Exactly! They're just numbers - numbers that don't have to follow any particular logic. SECOND PARTIER And all this means 2K is not the new millennium. ELEVENTH PARTIER Not even close. SECOND PARTIER My friend, either you need a few more drinks - or I do... 'cause you're starting to make sense to me. Rita shows up next to Second. RITA How's everything going? SECOND PARTIER (somewhat distractedly) Great. ELEVENTH PARTIER (also distractedly) Yeah, great party. RITA That's the kind of mindless enthusiasm I like to inspire. SECOND PARTIER We aims to please. RITA You're doing well so far. (louder) Hey, you over there - (waves at someone near the Entertainment Center) Music down - TV up. The Partier closest to the Entertainment center does exactly that - REM's "The End of the World" fades out and Dick Clark comes on. RITA (continuing) Thanks. CLARK (O.S.) The ball is coming down. ELEVENTH PARTIER Where's Richard? He's gonna miss the drop. Rita looks for him. RITA I'm not sure - he said he had to check on something. A count has started. CROWD Ten! Nine! Eight! ELEVENTH PARTIER (to Second) Is it gonna happen? CROWD Seven! RITA Nahh. CROWD Six! SECOND PARTIER He's gonna miss it! Rita starts for the doorway. CROWD Five! RITA I'm gonna find him SECOND PARTIER You'll miss it, too. CROWD Four! ELEVENTH PARTIER Here's to the new year! CROWD Three! SECOND PARTIER The new millennium! Eleventh just shoots him a look. CROWD Two! One! Happy --! The lights go out! WE HEAR SCREAMS SHOUTS - People are milling about - asking questions. The sounds of the party become muffled and we find we are passing down, into the basement. To find Richard standing next to the circuit box with a flashlight and a huge smile on his face. A long moment and THE END.